Total Elevation Gain (ft): 1441.8
Weather: Sunny, Mild
Hillbilly Insults: 0
Roadkill: 22 (7 Birds, 3 Raccoons, I Possum, 1 Skunk, 1 Mouse, 9 Unknown)
Bugs Swallowed: 0
Mean Dogs Chasing: 0
Animal Rescue: 0
Canucks will argue with me, but poutine is roughly the same wherever you go. This delicacy of french fries sopped in brown gravy and held together by melted globules of white cheese is a tradition that precedes Tim Horton's. It's novelty food for tourists, pedestrian fare for Canadians and a source of confusion for the people of New Jersey whom eat "disco fries."
I'm told by my friend Ashok from Ontario that there are more advanced poutine dishes. Pulled pork poutine. Chicken poutine. Beef, bacon, pepperoni and sausage poutine.
Epiphany! Time for gluten free artisanal poutine! Skinny white women with made up intolerances and mustachioed hipsters will pay top dollar for it. I'll source it "locally" and start my chain of food carts in Oregon.
I took a lunch break in Port So-and-So and decided to bring balance to my healthy chicken wrap by ordering the poutine. It was hastily made with canned gravy, but I managed to swill about half of the gelatinous mass down my greedy gullet. Sports nutritionists will balk, but this tasty swill gave me the energy I needed for the 50 mile haul into Port Dover.
On my way to Port Dover, I was caught by a guy named Graig on a speedy carbon fiber bike. Friendly and affable, he slowed down to talk and escorted me most of the way to town. Graig told me about these long cyclocross races up here. 70-100 km efforts on single track and gravel. That sounds more fun than getting lapped by superior athletes. I'd be content to fall back and get lost in the woods, free of glaring spectators. .
I checked into a cottage, cleaned up and went to dinner at a place called Captain Billy's. A couple from Paris, ON struck up a conversation with me about bike touring, overseas travel and infrastructure. I learnEd from them that before they became The Band, Robbie Robertson, Levon Helm, Rick Danko and company were a scuffling party band from Port Dover playing at dives all along the eastern seaboard.
You'd never know this picturesque place on the water produced notable rock bands and is a gathering place for thousands of bikers (motorcycle) to congregate Sturgia-like fashion. Apparently, this area of Ontario is home to a big faction of the Hell's Angels. Who'd of thunk?
My company excused themselves and I finished eating. I went to pay for my meal and found that it was discreetly taken care if by the people I'd been chatting with. Canadians! The nicest people on earth. I was both thankful and ashamed that I didn't even get the names of my donors. Once again, this trip is chipping away at my misanthropy.